Women vs Men in the Shower

How To Shower Like a Woman 


• Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. 
• Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. 
• If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas in case he wants to grope you. 
• Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc. 
• Get in the shower. 
• Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 
• Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 
• Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 
• Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. 
• Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 
• Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 
• Rinse conditioner off hair. 
• Shave armpits and legs. 
• Turn off shower. 
• Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. 
• Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner. 
• Get out of shower. 
• Dry with towel the size of a small country. 
• Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 
• Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 
• If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 
How To Shower Like a Man 

• Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
• Scratch yer crotch. 
• Walk naked to the bathroom, cocking yer leg to crack a loud stanky fart. 
• If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. 
• Look at your manly physique in the mirror and flex yer biceps. 
• Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. 
• Get in the shower. 
• Wash your face. 
• Wash your armpits. 
• Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 
• Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Try and squeeze out another one.
• Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 
• Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. 
• Wash your hair. 
• Make a Shampoo Mohican 
• Pee. 
• Partially dry off. 
• Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. 
• Admire willy size in mirror again. 
• Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. 
• Return to bedroom with towel around waist. 
• If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. 
• Throw wet towel on bed.
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Toozday Giggle

Been so busy at work lately, I haven't had time to blog properly.  Promise I'll be back soon with some juicy posts...in the mean time here is something to keep ye smilin'...



Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

Practise safe eating - always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

He used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tyred.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

The calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.



Source URL: https://geofflow.blogspot.com/search/label/humour
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Hectically busy at work so no time to post but here's a funny for ye!

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore   his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'

The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'

The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, 'Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.' Source URL: https://geofflow.blogspot.com/search/label/humour
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Cyanide and Happiness

Source URL: https://geofflow.blogspot.com/search/label/humour
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