55 Freaky Friday Shizzle - Office Christmas Parties

Join me and G-Man and hundreds of other bloggers playing Flash Fiction Friday 55. Try writing a complete story in only 55 words.  I did this one in exactly 5.5 minutes (it shows but I left my Friday post far too late)…






‘Tis almost the season to be jolly
Fa La La and all that folly


Christmas is full of prezzies and fun


Family, friends, dry Fruit Bun


We love the anticipation


We love the spirit


Eating ourselves silly on festive food, gerrit?


Santa, don’t give us junk we don’t want


Listen, and don’t be a cunt





I'm venting again this week with Boobies' Fawk You Friday.


Fuck you to the allergies that have infected my children's bodies this week.  I have no Medical Aid (Medical Insurance) left until January and I have to pay the Doctor's fees cash upfront and its not frikken cheap!  Neither is the fucking meds that he prescribes.  Luckily, I can claim it all back from The Tax Man but only at the end of the tax year, Dipshit! 


This made me think of one of my favourite Beatles songs..enjoy!



 
 



Freaky Friday
Theme : Freaky Office Christmas Parties


Are your Office Christmas parties as Freaky mine?


I dreads the office Christmas Party at the end of the year because there's always one Fucker who drinks way too many bevvies and lands up trying to put his tongue in yer ear.  There's usually some Dooshbag who does a very unsexy strip-tease down to her nylon tights, flesh-coloured bra and parachute knickers.  Not attractive...


There is always The Freaky Voyeur who parks in the dark corner like a drip snapping pictures and taking video footage of all the inebriated activities and then thinks its hysterical to post the footage on You Tube and images on Facebook for all to see. 


There is always some sad Bitch who drinks too many margaritas and pours her heart to you - confessing her dark freaky secret and then you're supposed to look at her in the eye for the rest of the year.  All of a sudden, you've become her BFF just because she told you her Twisted Sex Secret that she loves to be covered from head to toe in cling wrap in the bedroom. 


Don't forget the asshole who requests Boney M from the DJ every half an hour.  Is Christmas the ONLY time of year we dust off our Boney M LP's?  Oh yeah, I know you've got one hiding in your collection too.  Oh, I can hear you singing Little Drummer Boy already....  Barruppa Pum-Pum...


What about the old hag from Accounts, who is ninety-in-the-shade, who insist on wearing the most ridiculous and embarrassing home-made Christmas outfits complete with jingling bauble earings and living up to her "jolly" name?  Ho Ho HO!


Are your office Christmas Parties like this?


Or is it just me that works for a bunch of fucking weirdos and freaks?






Slobbering Boss trying to tongue fuck your ear

Wanna suck on Rudolf's Red Bits?






Forget the Tree. 
Why don't you all gather around me this year?








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Freaky Friday, a 55 and Booty Bouncers

Join G-Man and hundreds of other bloggers playing Flash Fiction Friday 55. Try writing a complete story in only 55 words…





Count blessings instead of your crosses;
Count gains not your losses.
Count  joys instead of woes;
Count friends not your foes.
Count  smiles instead of tears;
Count courage not your  fears.
Count  full years instead of your lean;
Count  kind deeds not your mean.
Count  health instead of  wealth;
Count on God instead of yourself.





  
And now that I've counted my blessing....
I'm going to vent with Fawk You Friday hosted by Boobies


• Fuck you to the organisers of our Year End Function.  They treated us like fucking mushrooms by keeping us in the dark and feeding us shit.  They've now gone a put a spanner in the works and switched up the teams.  Now we've gotta start planning all over again.  We always have Plan B..
• Fuck You to the national air lines who have hiked their prices way beyond my budget to more than double their normal prices for December.  Now I can't afford to go see my mummy for Christmas with my girls.  Fuck that for a sorry story...



 
Go FlogYoBlog at Random Ramblings of a SAHM








Theme : Gross Me Out!









Is this bloke for real?

Mankinis leave NOTHING to the imagination


Is this Skank Ass Ho for real?
 I killed myself laughing at her "supposed" sexy booty bouncing
while the fucking cat just sits there, stretches and snoozes.
Hysterical.


There is a whole following of these Booty Bouncers on You Tube. 




Have a kick ass Weekend, Freaks!
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F....is for Friday and Freaks The Movie

F is for Fridays and with it, goes a number of things... Flash Fiction Friday 55, Fawk You Friday, FlogYoBlog Friday and Freaky Friday, which I will be reintroducing this week.  An old favourite of mine that some bloggers are asking to have back.



So here we go....




The awesome G-Man hosts Flash Fiction Friday 55.  Go visit him and give him some love and join hundreds of other bloggers playing the writing game. Try write a complete story in only 55 words…











Long Lean Legs that go all the way up
Long wavy golden Blonde locks
Perfectly French-manicured finger nails
Flawlessly painted toes
Smooth Honey-coloured skin screaming to be caressed
Rose coloured glossy lips begging to be kissed
Firm arse and perky ski-slope breasts
Soliciting desire
This is who I’d like to be - for a day.






Join Fawk You Friday hosted by Boobies


My Fuck You's for the week:


• To a certain bright spark at the office (I will refrain from mentioning names) but "You're a cock and a fuck-up. Any further complaints can be directed toward my fucking arse, where I'm sure you'll receive a warm response"
• Fuck You to the manager of our local supermarket who NEVER has my brand of cigarettes, no matter how much I ask him to get stock.  Why don't you come back to me when your brain's decided that it wasn't designed to be a shit box, okay? Run along now, Mr Spar Doochebag.
• Fuck you to the many boob-tube dresses I have and love.  God knows, I love how cool they are in the summer but, if I tramp on the fucking hem once more and my titties fall out, I'm gonna scream! 
• Fuck you to Dr Pepper that is stocked at one of our local shops (not made here in SA) but charged me fucking R12.99 for a small 330ml can.  Daylight fucking robbery... but I got one anyway...



I heart Dr Pepper
Go FlogYoBlog at Random Ramblings of a SAHM









Theme: Freaks,The Movie
 Can a full grown woman truly love a MIDGET ?


I'm rekindling the Freaky Friday posts coz I've got so much to share.  So many freaks, so little time...just the way I laaik it.


Freaks is a 1932 American horror film about sideshow performers, directed and produced by Tod Browning  with a cast mostly composed of actual carnival (funfair) performers including Schlitzie the Pinhead and many more...check the freaks out below...



Schlitzie was a MALE, but was always presented as a female because she had to be diapered and it was easier to care for her when she was in her Moo-moo







The Cast of  "Freaks"




Peter Robinson aka The Human Skeleton

Frances O'Connor - The Armless Lady



Prince Randian (The Human Caterpillar)
who was born with no arms or legs but managed to father five children and could roll a cigarette with his lips and smoke it.

Minnie Woosley aka KooKoo the Bird Girl


Olga Barnell aka The Bearded Lady

Daisy and Violet Hilton. 
Their biological mother sold them to the midwife shortly after they were born.







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Freaky Friday - Episode 14 - Phobias

I think Freaky Friday is getting a wee bit old and fucking boring.  Itshould be coming to an end fairly soon.  Let me know if you agree... I can't end off on a number than can't be divided by 5 so this week my Theme is Freaky Phobias.


Phobias are the most common form of anxiety disorders. They are so prevalent that the chances are extremely high that you would know at least a couple of people with some kind of freaky irrational fear.


Sadly, after watching people who are fucking freaked out by an innocuous plate of pickles or perfectly plump peaches, it becomes extremely difficult to take this disorder seriously. Some of the videos will probably make you scratch your head or your balls and question whether the reactions are real, or they’re faking.  


I'm still trying to figure it out.  I will leave you with Jack White's words "I even love it when you're fakin' it".













You think thats weird? 

There is a dedicated website to The List of Phobias.


Have you ever suspected yourself of having Osphresiophobia or Triskadekaphobia?  Perhaps Hippopotomonstosquippedaliophobia - thats the fear of long words.  I fucking shit you not, Fuckers!  That was clearly some freak's fucking sick joke to make fun of the Long-Word-Phobia folks.  


It think its fucking hysterical, of course.


Honestly, there seems to be a phobia for pretty much anything and everything! 

I thought my dreams were daft enough - there are some fucking sickos out there...poor bastards!  Here are 14 of the weirdest phobias for you to check out when you're uber bored.


Take a Quiz :  What Phobia areYou?



I definitely don't suffer from Fartophobia thats for fekking sure!


Keep or Scrap Freaky Fridays??  Wanna hear from you in the comments section beloooooowwwww, Skank-Ass Ho's!
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Freaky Friday - Episode 13 Sir Lick-a-Lot

No Theme today...just general Freak Fuckers!


Anorexic Teletubbies with a Proctologist?





Who Told this bloke that Blue Suede shoes would got with this outfit? 
It sooo clashes with that orange vest, doll!





Thorn amongst the roses 
(with clipboard, ginger beard and backpack)


 


WTF?  He's got better legs than she has!


 


Super Fairy Geek?





Can I nibble on your cheese?  
or do you want to be the cat and you can chase me?





Write your own caption for this one...





Has Knife, Will Stab (guess who? yip The Daft Scots Lass)








A Mexican  MacDonalds...


 


Even on oxygen this old geezer has fucking attitude!





Sir Lick-a-lot



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Freaky Friday - Episode 13 - Walmart

Hi Freakyazoid Fuckers.  This week's Theme is : Weirdos


weird·o n. pl. weird·oes Slang
1. A person regarded as being very strange or eccentric.
2. A deranged, potentially dangerous person.





We all have at least one weird family member that everyone sniggers about behind their back. You know the poor Fucker?  The freak that everyone dreads seeing at the annual family Christmas Picnic?  The cock-sucker who never fails to embarras you in public.


I personally have many dysfunctional family members and I think thats why my Mum brought us up to have a sense of humour about life and people...


Uncle George who doesn't own a toothbrush and insists on slobbery mouth to mouth greetings *shiver* or Cousin Sebastian who wears a bow tie with his PJs and loves his job as an Embalmer.  He'll go into great depth about the process to anyone who'll listen.  No one gives a rats arse, Seb!  
Then there is Great Aunt Edna who wears knitting needles in her hair, smells like fucking moth balls, constantly mumbles the word fuck all the time and farts like a fucking two-stroke.


I am drawn to these kind of Fuck Nuts even though most others avoid them.  I find them incredibly interesting - physically putrid and vile, yes, but - colourful nevertheless.  I especially like the weirdos that don't give a fucking rats arse what others think of them.  They are confident about themselves, the way they are and they don't see anything freaky about themselves.  In fact, they generally think that "The Average Joe" is the weirdo.


They don't like to be labeled and they certainly DON'T like being kept in a box. Weirdos fucking rock my tits off and are certainly no Shrinking Violets.


And this reminded me of the Walmart People.  These Plonkers not only fit this category but show no embarassment in their weirdo skin....I FUCKIN love 'em!!!


Here are a few WM Peeps:




The typical Walmart Mullet Man 
Looking ultra cool his shades, crop top and short jean-pant.  
A bad-ass heart tattoo on his bicep completes the 80's rock look.
The gut hanging over the jean-shorts just puts a cherry on the fucking cake.


The lead singer of Funkadelic shoppin' for the reunion party.





Everyone owns a pair of Yellow Go-Go Boots, right?



Pimp My Cereal:   "Slappin' Dem Skank-Ass Ho's works up quite an appetite..."




Who is the Weirdo in your Dysfunctional Family? Tell me about it...


Go to Weirdo Dot Com for a laugh.




Are you a Weirdo? Take the Quiz and find out!
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Freaky Friday - Episode 10 - Pranks

Theme : Pranksters


Did you know there is an "art" to pranking?  I said, pranking, not spanking... aka Prankonomy.


"There's a sucker born every minute."

"Take or be taken."

"Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see."

These aphorisms are so ingrained in our life, they're practically commandments. And for good reason: We are a credulous people.  A hoax, we are taught, is an invasive, aggressive stratagem - a nefarious short-circuiting of our natural social instincts, a hack of Trust itself, a deterministic, zero-sum shell game with a clear winner (the prankster) and loser (the gull).




















Ways to Annoy People in the Office:



• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that. 
• Email your boss the message: I know what you did last vacation. 
• Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) 










And who could forget JackAss?


Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, Wee Man and his crowd of weirdos...


This is my favourite clip from Jackass movie.


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Freaky Friday - Episode 6 Optical Illusions

This week's Theme : Illusions


Our eyes often deceive us. Check out these freaky illusions


1.



Keep staring at the above picture for about 20 seconds and then look at a white surface (a wall or a big piece of paper). One of the very classic illusions. The best thing is ; the afterimage seems to be a sharper picture than the original.


2.



Do you find something unusual in this picture? Can you see any human face in this optical illusion? If not just move away from the screen and try focusing on the center portion.


3. Try to count the number of black dots on the image below...





4.  Put your 3d specs on for these ones:









5. A Stereogram Picture - Can you see what this says?  (hint : cross your eyes a little to see the words)







Can you tell me what's hidden in this one?





6.  This just hurts like a fucking bad acid trip.






7.  Kevin James on America's Got Talent - this dude is very entertaining...

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