12 Things Men think Women know

Doing a survey to check my observations, here are the following twelve things men think women know:


1. Saturdays are made for sport, but not necessarily taking part in it. Being a supporter in front of the TV for four consecutive rugby matches is totally normal.  Salty snacks are mandatory.
2. Any joke about ‘farting’ is fucking hysterically funny.
3. Leaving suspicious ‘skid marks’ in their underwear is part of life and if they could they would get their partner to rate their "break marks" outta ten.
4. Pissing outside on the grass is much better than doing it the conventional way in a toilet.  And its especially entertaining when you can write your name in the snow or dirt.
5. When they are totally relaxed in front of the TV the best place for their dominant hand is right on the Crown Jewels (aka Al Bundy style).
6. In addition, if it itches it will scratched.
7. Undies are totally uncomfortable and will only be worn when strictly necessary, like going to work.
8. When inside the shower, the rock star inside every man awakens. Whether it is Pavarotti or Kurt Darren, you’re in for a show unless you’re lucky enough to have a sound-proof door which can be closed.
9. They are all closet ‘Grey's Anatomy’ fans but will never admit to it.  They think McSteamy is just as hot as they are.
10. They can ‘rev’ anything from a car to the electric toothbrush, the mixer, shaver or lawnmower.  Everything should be fitted with a turbo or super charger.   They'd probably make "Vroom Vroom" sounds when we're getting busy if they could get away with it.

11. Their whole diet can be prepared on an outside braai.
12. Men grouped together measure their seniority by the length of their dicks. Not sure yet how they know it, but I suppose it’s their special male sixth sense.


Blokes....am I right or am I right? 
Girls...can I hear a Whoooohooo?



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Weekend Fun

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you R800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.


After a few seconds, Bob hands her R800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?”

“It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies.

“Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the R800 he owes me?”


Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


This weekend was all about celebrations.  A little too much wine and enjoying with friends.




KK doing her Al Bundy impersonation.  Yes, this is really how she sleeps..






Gillian



We went for a braai at Nikki and Keith yesterday.
 


The girls jumping on the couch



KK after swimming



KK with our Pickles



Meggie with her Pickles



Megan and Kaylin posing for a photo



The regular Megan and Kaylin



Swimming with Wade and Wesley in their pool

Pickles



Wade



Wesley



Wesley and Megan playing a game

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South Africanisms

The things only South African’s say…



Babbelas (pronounced bub-buh-luss)
This refers to a morning-after hangover.







Bakkie (pronounced bucky)
This commonly used word refers to a small pick-up truck.



Biltong (pronounced bill-tong)
This South African favourite is dried and salted meat, similar to beef jerky, although it can be made from ostrich, kudu, beef or any other red meat. It is synonymous with rugby, another South African favourite.




Braai (pronounced br-eye)

This is the popular South African version of a barbecue where meats such as steak, chicken and boerewors (boo-ruh-vorss) are cooked. Boerewors is a traditional spicy South African sausage made of beef or lamb and is also referred to as wors (vorss). Chances are that you will also be introduced to pap en sous (pup en sohss) at a braai. Pap is boiled corn meal, and sous is the sauce it is covered with, usually featuring tomato and onions.



Colddrink
This is the common term for a soda. Ask for a soda in South Africa and you will receive a club soda. Coca-Cola is a colddrink or cooldrink, as is Pepsi.



















Howzit
A traditional South African greeting that translates roughly as "How are you?" or "How are things?"












Izit?
This is another great word to use in conversations. Derived from the two words "is" and "it", it can be used when you have nothing to contribute if someone tells you something at a braai. An expression frequently used in conversation and equivalent to "is that so?" (Really?!)

Just now
If a South African tells you they will do something "just now", they mean they will do it in the near future but not immediately. For example, the appropriate reply to "Why don't we go shopping now?" if you wish to go a little later is: "No, let's rather go just now."





Koki (pronounced koh-key)
A coloured marker or felt-tip pen.


Lekker (pronounced lekk-irr with a rolling r)
Afrikaans word meaning nice. It is often used in association with food, as in: "That wors is lekker."


Robot
South Africans tend to refer to traffic lights as robots. An example of usage would be when giving directions: "Turn left at the second robot."

Sarmie

Colloquial term for a sandwich. If you are going on a picnic and your hosts tell you they have packed sarmies, you will at least know they have remembered to pack something to eat.






Skinner
Gossip, as in: "Have you heard the latest skinner?" Someone who talks behind someone's back is known as a skinnerbek.


Slap chips (pronounced slup chips)
French fries, usually soft, oily and vinegar-drenched, bought in a brown paper bag. "Slap" is an Afrikaans word meaning "limp", which is how French fries are generally made here. If that's not how you like them, be sure to order them "crispy".




Tackies
Running shoes or sneakers. Used in conjunction with the word fat, as in "fat tackies", it describes extra wide tyres. Example: "Look at the fat tackies on that motorbike!"



Now now
This is not intended to comfort but means shortly, as in: "I will be there now now."

Ag Shame! (pronounced like the "ach" in the German "achtung")

This one is used a lot! Can be used in various contexts as in "that's adorable!" or "that's horrible!" can be confusing but it’s always a reaction to something.


Eina! (pronounced “ay-nah”)
Widely used by all language groups, this word, derived from the Afrikaans, means "ouch." You can say it in sympathy when you see your friend the day after he got donnered by his wife.


Eish Wena! 
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Sunday Stuff

Yesterday we had friends over for a braai and it was lovely to have friends altogether. The girls were in the Jacuzzi most of the day and we karaoked with the Black Eyed Peas. My sister, Janie and Mick came over with Claire too, which was lovely.


Here are some of the pix


KK trying to look all "GANSTA"





 "GANSTA" Megan singing to BEP's "Boom Boom Pow"





Janie and Mick tucking into supper





Mandy telling me not to post this one on the blog (of course)





Kaylin and Claire Bear





Megan with Claire Bear





Megan fooling around with the camera last night












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A beautiful Summers Day

Today is a perfect summers sunny day in Johannesburg, South Africa and I'm sitting at our bar counter, sipping on a glass of cheap plonk wine, smoking a menthol and enjoying my little family playing by the pool. I'm watching my Boerewors fiddle with his newly renovating pool, I'm engrosed in my 3 year old cleaning my plastic outdoor chairs with a sponge (she's addicted to playing with water as an Aspies child) and my 6 year-old doting on her Daddy in awe.

Its all good.  Blissful domestic happiness...what more could a nearly middle-aged daft scots gal want??

So...

We're expecting some visitors later on for a braai (aka a barbeque) and I've done all my preparations for the festivities...I've made a scrummy potato-bake with bacon, onions and cheese, I've out-done myself with a beautiful green salad with haloumi cheese, I've even opened the boxes for a mushroom and cheese pasta salad and a sweet and sour beetroot salad (I'm not THAT domesticated, okay).  Everytime I say that I'm remind myself of a movie that Megan and I love to watch  called "The Muppets from Space" on DVD - starring a very amusing Mexican King Prawn who has the most amazing Mexican accent and after anything he says he mumbles :  "Okey!".   My girls and I have developed this annoying habit of doing the same....

Okey???....

Sorry I got distracted again...

...Back to the braai preparations...

Yes, so I'm not a Domestic Goddess.  I wash dishes, I clean house and I whip up something for supper but I'm not one of those mums who buy piles of cook books and look for new and exotic things to cook so that I can WOW my family that get bored with their tedious evening meals.  I have far too many other talents which will remain my "secret plans and cleva tricks".



There are some limits to this busy working mum of two, who's addicted to blogging.  I make time for everything as long as its zippy and soopa quick like Speedy Gozalves.  Ándale! Ándale! Arriba! Arriba!  Just call me "The speediest mum is all Johannesburg".  I love anything that makes my life easier and quicker.  I don't worry too much about MSG or unhealthy, high fat pre-packet meals.  Hell, I grew up on them and I'm not a complete over-weight blob with high colestorol and heart problems - YET!  I may have a mini-blubber butt though...

Got side-tracked again.  Back to my visitors...

We've invited my dearest and oldest friend and her husband around for a braai and I can't wait to see her.  We went to high school together and we banned from seeing each other in Standard 7 (Grade 9) for an entire YEAR, because we were a "bad influence on each other".  We neverless managed to still hang out together and have remained good friends for three decades. I haven't seen her for almost three years and we have the kind of friendship that, when we do chat we just pick up from where we left off. 

I'm sure most people have a friend like this.  You know, that friends that you don't have to have much contact with but you always seem to find your way back to each other and will remain firm friends with until you are both old and gray, in matching rocking chairs on the porch with blankets and cats on our laps.

This dear old friend is very very special.  Okay lets just clear one thing up - she's not old - I just mean she's my oldest friend.  She fell pregnant when we were in our final year of high school and her son, Devon is now a handsome young man at 21 years old.  God, that makes me feel old. 

Not only was she a single mum in high school, but she has subsequently married and has surrogated two beautiful girl-children for other childless couples.  How more "unselfish" can you get?  She is an amazing woman who is in the process of her third surrogate for a new couple.  This will be her third and final attempt at implanting embryos (as she's getting too old now at 39).  She went for her third set of embryo implants on Friday and I wish her all the best.  She loves being pregnant and looks her best as such.  Her hair grows thick, she puts on weight (she's soopa skinny, unlike me) and just loves the feeling of being "with child". 

I pray often that she is pregnant this time around and that she can give a wonderful gift to the exicted partents-to-be.

Well, I better dash.  More wine to drink, more ciggies to smoke and more Megan and Kaylin watching to be done.  Kaylin is in her room in "time out" at the moment for flushing things that she shouldn't down our toilet.  So, I better go and let her out and put my Speedy Gonzales parenting techniques into practice.
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Happy Heritage Day!

And in true "Souf Efriken" style we had a braai (aka barbeque) with friends we haven't seen in way too long. It was a lovely bright sunny day, we had the fans on full blast and even the children got to swim.


Well, we are in the process of filling up the pool after having it re-coated this week, so the kids were in a "paddling pool" and had a ball playing with the hose-pipe.

There's nothing like a South African Summer Day...

Happy Heritage Day, fellow bloggers!



The girls in the pool



Megan playing fire-fighter





Rudi and Tania playing the fool







Rudi lookin buff





Tania showing us her big bicep and tiny sausage...





The girls (Kaylin and Tiane) relaxing on the bed





Kaylin and Tiane hit the pool





Rudi grabbing Riaan in a "titty twister"





Make a Smilebox postcard

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